


Violent-o-meter

by my16Panics (ladyYellow)



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Drabble Sequence, M/M, Mentioned Nate River, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-06-18 20:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 31
Words: 9,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15493593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyYellow/pseuds/my16Panics
Summary: How much Matt can take until Mello finally breaks him?Because he loves him,doesn't he?So, why does he have to hurt himevery single time?





	1. Level 1 - Hurtful jokes

**Author's Note:**

> Hi~  
> Again, this comes from my FFN and it’s one of the fics I’m translating.  
> I was so young when I posted this (it was posted back in 2011) and it has been a long time I left this fandom, so I'm trying to fix it the best way I can. I'm sorry in advance if the characters seem a bit off ( _I did what I could, sorry_ ).  
> This idea came from a huge poster I saw back when I was in high school which read **VIOLENTOMETER** , which is supposed to be a violence indicator in a relationship. It was designed to make you realise if you need to find help.
> 
> The fic is divided in three blocks (like the violentometer itself). The first being light violence, the second is “it can get worse” and the third one is “You need help”.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

Matt is sitting on a couch playing with his PSP (earphones plugged in his ears), as Mello instructs (bored and grumpy as always) to his subordinates.

“Remember. If someone doesn’t achieve the task I gave you, I’ll try my new gift in them” every man in the room (nine in total), way stronger, taller and ( _why not?_ ) older than Mello (with his barely nineteen, Mello can overthrow that dumbass older than twenty- _something_ , he’s sure one is older than forty) shivers. The gift Mello is talking about is what Matt gave him for his birthday (a Smith & Wesson model 29, 102mm _Magnum_ ) with a stylized M engraved in the handle. “Did I make myself clear?”

“Yes boss” the men leave the apartment.

“And you? Matt!” he talks to the red-haired boy on the couch “Hey, are you hearing me, stupid dog?!” Matt just lifts his gaze as a sign of attention, frowning and unplugging his earphones (the music in his PP is off, it’s just to keep up appearances).

Then Matt speaks "I'm not a dog”

“But they did call you _puppy_ at Wammy’s... Either way, won’t you admit everytime I speak to you **you move your tail, like a good dog must do with his master** ” Mello laughs but he stops when he realises Matt is not laughing with him.

“I ain’t _your_ dog” Matt growls.

“But I am your master, _puppy”_

“Mello-” Matt complains looking at the kitchen with the corner of his eye, where Near is (white-haired boy younger than both of them, foreign to the world as always) “You promised not to call me that when someone could hear you...”

“I don’t give a fuck, **dog** ” Mello answers before he bites a chocolate bar, letting Matt know he won’t hear him anymore. Then, he demands him to bring him more chocolate.


	2. Level 2 - Blackmailing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a little modification from the original, but I like it better this way.

Since an uncertain date, Mello has been  _somewhat_ stressed _(somewhat_ is just a bit, one just has to ask to the poor chair). Matt just looks at him, while he plays with his Nintendo in the living room, but always _oh so attentive_ to anything Mello desires. Every single night since Mello has been feeling like that (a lot, if you ask Matt), Mello has thrown Matt on the bed and (quite literally) abused the poor boy.

“Mmh~ Matt” Mello’s voice is hoarse and excited.

“Mello~ Stop it... Hurts”

“I thought you had said you were done speaking, puppy”

“Please- I need- Mello”

“You need to use your words Matt” Mello smirks.

“M-mello- Please~” Mello stops smiling satisfied, ignoring his own pleasure (this is something he really doesn’t care right now) to stare at Matt’s eyes when he tilts his head to look at Mello.

“It’s not that hard puppy~” Mello shoots some photos of Matt under him “ **Unless you want me to send this to Near"**

“But-” at this point, Matt is trying to leave the bed, but the blond’s hands are over his back, not letting him move. “It’s embarrassing” the red-haired is blushing.

“ **I don’t want to leave you like this to send this to** **_important people_** ” he stares at his phone, sounding disinterested “So~ I hear you babe”

Matt breathes deeply before whispering “Harder...”

“I can’t hear you~” Matt rolls his eyes, as if that were the biggest offense Mello had ever said (which probably is, or not. _Who cares anyway?_ )

“I said harder, asshole!”

“Ah~ I knew it, I knew it~” Mello comes back to his task, stroking Matt’s back, distensing his sore muscles.


	3. Level 3 - Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sure Mello and Near are a little OOC. I’m trying to fix it even if the original was like that. Small modifications again. Sorry.

Matt takes a sit by Mello’s side in the kitchen, when he’s drinking hot cocoa (without marshmallows because he hates them).

“What do you want, pup?”

“I’m bored” the red-haired says. Mello raises his eyes from the newspaper (he understands Matt: there’s no electricity since yesterday, his PSP hasn’t battery anymore and he won’t allow Matt to use the laptop because something about _Kira_ could surge).

“What do you expect me to do?” Mello’s voice sounds slightly annoyed.

“Well... we could go to Nate’s birthday dinner-”

**“Mmm yeah, about that~ Nate told me he cancelled it”**

“Oh~ What a shame” Matt pauses and looks around the kitchen “I’m still bored”

“Why don’t you try to do something productive?” Mello starts to read his newspaper again.

“You don’t allow me, Mello” Matt complains softly.

“If I gave you your cigarettes, would you stop bothering me?” Mello raises his eyes again, sighing.

“...Yeah, sure” Matt concedes after thinking it for a minute ( _it’s better than anything_ , he reflexes. Mello hid all his cigarettes, arguing that he can’t breathe in a smoky flat).

“Fine- Wait here while I go for them” Matt just nods. Mello leaves the newspaper over the table and walks towards the studio, to grab the cigarettes.

 

When Mello’s coming back to the kitchen, the phone rings. “M speaking”

_“Mihael, this is Nate. You told me you were coming to the dinner”_

“Yeah, sorry. Something surged. But we sent your present already, did you get it?”

_“Hmm- Well, then see you-”_

“Later, yes. Take care N” Mello hangs up the phone and hands Matt the pack of cigarettes. He even offers to light himself the first cig with his own lightener. Matt accepts the fire with a frown in his face, that Mello ignores, reading again.

Matt picked the call too.


	4. Level 4 - Ignoring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t remember if they know Kira is male, so I left the gender as neutral.

Mello has requested Matt to come with him to a mafia bosses meeting where everyone is taking their _wives_ with them. Matt has accepted (with the one and only condition of being allow to smoke).

And now they’re there, sitting side by side between a black lady and a brunette guy with long hair.

As _wives,_ they’re obligated to bring drinks to the bosses, being that the reason of the constant bustle in the room. Matt hasn’t seen the necessity to stand up because Me llo hasn’t requested anything from him (which surprises Matt but he won’t complain), **it’s almost as if Matt wasn’t there.**

When the meeting ends, the bosses and their _wives_ walk to a hall. Matt takes a sit on a couch (he feels a bit dizzy because of the overwhelming mix of everyone’s perfume).

Mello hasn’t spared Matt a single glance, his mind is occupied with worries because N told him that, as an infiltrate (if there’s something one must to acknowledge from Mello, is how good he was at becoming one of the Mafia Bosses, he must gain enough information about Kira and their link with the mafia.

Matt has fallen asleep. Mello hasn’t been close to him for the entire night. He’s still dizzy. What wakes him up is the sound of his phone ( _fucking noisy device_ , he thinks), which he checks.There’s a message in his inbox.

_'N says M had already came back. He had business somewhere else. He borrowed your car. You better come back rn'_

Matt answers a quickly ' _Tell N I won’t move until M comes back for me'._

 **He stands up though, knowing Mello will ignore him and won’t come back for him**.


	5. Level 5 - Jealousy

Matt has been talking on the phone with N for a long time (if one may call ‘talk’ yelling bad words with a cig on his mouth making his words barely understandable) and Mello is listening to the conversation cautiously.

Everything started with the idea of looking for financial information of Kira, the reason why it has been necessary to take advantage of Matt (whom almost never actively participates in the accions against that sociopath that take crazy Mello and crazier Near) and his knowledges of technology and hacking.

And the thing was: Near called Mello tho the apartment’s phone and he talked about his plans to get Matt to work. Mello wished him luck (he literally said ‘that twat won’t work even if you threat him to break all his consoles’) and Near asked him to talked with Matt.

The call has lasted at least forty minutes (he should ask N how he did to make Matt move that fast) and Matt keeps tapping as fast as he can in three different computers and yelling from tim to time.

Mello frowns at the feeling of uneasiness (that he just feels with Matt). And even when Mello doesn’t speak, Matt guesses it from how Mello eats chocolate.

It’s a particular loud scream that makes Mello come back to the real world.

“What?! Do you want me to do _everything_ in an hour?!” Mello stands up from his place and grabs the phone.

“Nate? This is Mihael. Give me two hours and I promise everything you asked for will be in your inbox by then” Near accepts and Mello hangs up the phone. “You were being so annoying with all that yelling”

" **You didn’t have to be jealous of me talking to Nate, Mel"**  Matt turns off his cigarette.

“Shut up, pup”


	6. Level 6 - Blaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A phrase here and there to give more sense to this level.

Mello hears the water from the shower. Matt is in the bathroom (after Mello made him take a shower with the alibi he smelled worse than that blonde whore). And it’s not that he’s regretting it (or maybe yes, but this has already taken too much), but he really needs to use his phone that (for some fucking deity who thinks it’s funny to fuck with him) he has forgotten in the bathroom.

“Fuck, Matt! If you don’t open that damn door-” Mello yells annoyed, kicking the door. He growls when he gets no answer.

Another five minutes passes by, and he kicks the door again (this time warning Matt that he will definitely bring the door down, doing it two seconds later).

Now that the door is open, mello gets in the bathroom to grab his phone. What he wasn’t expecting, it’s that Matt is drying himself in front of him, showing him the scar on his right shoulder (that Mello made himself when he burned him with a hot spoon one day he was cooking and nothing was going as he wanted. **Matt usually paid for everything, even when it wasn’t his fault** **).**

Matt doesn't even turn around as he moves his hands slowly. The blond lets his phone slips from his hands when he’s almost drooling for Matt’s torso (who would say that the dog has such a nice body under that loose shirt?) and for his luck, (Mello thinks again that the god eating popcorn laughing from his misery should choke, but then he regrets it, he’s catholic after all) it falls in the toilet, turning itself off.

“Agh, just- _fucking_ great! **This is all your fucking fault, dog!”** he says to Matt.

“Why mine?” Matt whines but Mello doesn’t hear him. He turns around and he leaves Matt there angry, as if Matt hasn’t said anything.


	7. Level 7 - Debase

The only thing one can hear in the room is the constant tapping of fingers, bitings to a bitter chocolate and exhaled smoke of a Mild Seven Light (there are seven cigarette butts in the ashtray).

Matt is immersed in his own work (he still gets chills on his spine remembering that new Magnum against his throat and Mello telling him ‘keep tapping, dog’) and Mello looks at him with the corner of his eye from time to time as he toys with his gun (he removes and puts the safety lock, spinning it in his finger), reading the reports Near sent him to his email.

Matt gives one more drag and he turns off his cigarette. He tries to take out the ninth of the night but Mello’s voice distracts him.

“You should quit that vice, pup. You’re like a chimney  ( _you’re going to destroy your lungs!_ He screams in his mind) and I hate how viced the air is”

“Well, yes- I need to something to be less stressed, Mr. _I-leave-the-chocolate-wrappings-on-the-bed"_

Mello rolls his eyes and puts the safety lock to the gun again, he takes it to his temple scratch himself and the he revolves his hair with it as a sign of frustration (he doesn’t want Matt to know he’s about to lose his temper). Mello opens and closes his mouth, trying to argue what Matt has just said. He closes it finally before grinning,

 **“The third one shouldn’t refute the second one, pup”** he says satisfied with his answer.

 _“I could be better than Near if I wanted to"_  Matt whispers, almost inaudible.

“What did you say?!” Mello yells angry.

“Nothing, that I’m sorry- I won’t happen again”

“Yes, that’s what I thought you said, pup (was it sarcasm?)” Matt leaves the cigarette and Mello bites his chocolate again.


	8. Level 8 - Insult/Abase

Mello’s loud laugh can be heard through the apartment (how couldn’t it be if he doesn't make an effort to make it more subtle? He has even fallen to the floor and everything) and the corridor outside, maybe, too.

The laugh (or even the voice) of Matt is not accompanying his roommate’s this time (Matt wants to call Mello his boyfriend, but Mello yelled him to not be a pansy, and Matt stopped insisting once Mello took out his Magnum). Reason? The red-haired is too ashamed of his series of mistakes (his, not anyone’s else) that had lead to Mello laughing hysterically on the floor.

“Oh Jeevas, you must be kidding me!” Mello says with a slightly accented English.

“It’s not funny, Mel”

“Matt is extremely upset (he didn’t want Mello to know this that way).

Five minutes ago, he was tapping quickly to download information about Japanese high schools, because Near had requested him Light’s data. Mello got too close, it wasn’t his fault (well, yeah, it was), so he input a shortcut wrong, showing that his hacker name was **thestripperpup202** and when he tried to close it, he pressed _Supr_ instead of _Esc_ so part of his investigation (that has taken him four hours) disappeared.

 **“And you’re supposed to be the third L’s successor? You can’t even read properly, stupid idiot, more over... You, left-handed freak, don’t fucking even know which is the right anymore~”** Mello stops laughing while Matt comes back to his work, ignoring Mello after that, resented for his offensive comment.


	9. Level 9 - Public humiliation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the whole sense of this chapter because I didn’t like what I wrote in the first version.

Matt and Mello are in the supermarket at the other side of the city (the blond hates to admit this could be avoided if he had listened when the red-haired told him there wasn’t anything edible in the fridge anymore).

Once there, they get out of Matt’s red Camaro (before leaving, Mello told him that not even crazy he would let Matt to ride his motorbike, and Matt just grabbed his car keys) and they walk towards the supermarket.

Mello has made a list while he was in the car, to have a guide of what they should buy quickly (he wrote chocolate, toilet paper and cigarettes in the first places).

When they arrive to the candies aisle, Mello asks “Pup, can you bring me my chocolates, please?”

“Which ones do you want me to bring, Mel?”

“You already know my favorites, go already” Matt starts to walk. Mello doesn’t remember that in this supermarket, they don’t have the brand he likes the most.

Mello comes back with a chocolate tablet from the flavor Mello likes (spiced bitter chocolate) but not the brand he enjoys (Matt tried to find a really similar brand, anyway). “Are they-?”

“What the fuck is this, dog?!”  **the people surrounding them in the aisle stare at Mello throwing the tablet in Matt’s face and then pulling his hair to have Matt's face near his.**

“The don’t sell the brand you like here, Mel” Matt whispers, closing his eyes because of the pain.

“Then fucking leave everything here! If I don’t have my chocolate, we won’t have anything. And take us to a fucking supermarket who sells better quality products than this shitty place” Mello talks quickly in Slovenian. His face is red with anger. Mello kicks the cart and walks towards the exit.

Matt leaves everything there and apologises, bowing silently to everyone with a quiet “Sorry” before rushing to follow Mello.


	10. Level 10 - Threatening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it alright? This chapter hasn’t changed much, but it’s still somewhat different.

“Where is the chocolate, Matt?” the blond asks the red-haired.

“Which chocolate, Mel?” Matt whispers (he’s nervous).

“Stop fooling around, dog. Go and bring my chocolate!” Mello then opens the door to Matt, showing the storm outside their flat (Matt doesn’t want to go to the closest convenience store which is seven blocks away).

“But Mel- My car is at the workshop-” Matt tries to convince Mello (he really doesn’t want to run in the rain and get ill later), but Mello doesn’t seem to care. The door is still open and he’s staring at Matt’s eyes, waiting for the moment in which Matt says _alright, I’ll go_ , but that moment hasn’t arrived yet.

“I’m losing my patient Matt. This is the second time I ask you this today” Mail thinks the scar covering half of his face gives Mello a somber look.

“But Mel-” Matt doesn’t even have the chance to grab an umbrella (is not as if they had one, anyway) when Mello has already put the keys on his hands and has pushed him outside, closing the door in his face.

Around an hour later, Matt comes back (completely soaked), smoking and with a bag full of bitter chocolate. Mello grabs the bag and eats one of the chocolates. Matt is shivering with his back leaning on the closed door.

Later that night, Matt is running a fever, wrapped in a warm blanket. Mello kisses his forehead tenderly before leaving to the kitchen and bringing back a wet cloth.

“You could had avoided this, pup” Mello says calmly **“The next time I’ll break all your devices if you don’t bring me what I’m asking for at that moment. You don’t want that, do you?”** Matt must be delirious, because all he’s able to do is shake his head, mumbling an _I’m sorry._


	11. Level 11 - Controlling/Banning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I write an evil Mello just because? Maybe, who knows? I’m sticking as much as I can to the work my 15-year-old me wrote back when, without betraying what present-me thinks it’s better.
> 
> **This is the beginning of the part "It can get worse"**

The weather hasn’t got much better in the last weeks, even then (with the storm pouring down outside) Mello is grabbing his coat and keys, getting ready to leave (no that he feels like, but he doesn’t have chocolates anymore).

Matt is watching him through the window when he crosses the street to his camaro **(** **which he isn’t allowed to drive since two weeks ago** **)** while he ignores how much he wants to go out, just to breath air not vised (without cigarettes, chocolate and sex scent).

He’s scared of what is going to say Mello if he finds him out. But in the end, he can’t resist his urge to feel the rain in his face, reason enough to get out (barefoot, wearing black jeans and a sleeveless black shirt) and rest in the staircase to feel the cold water.

Is not that Matt enjoys more getting his clothes soaked than playing video games, but **Mello take them all away and he only allows him to use his PSP two hours per day, whenever Mello wants** (it’s just a shame that when Mello wants to give Matt his PSP, the red-haired boy is usually asleep or working in the computer with the Kira case. _Oops)_ , so **Matt doesn’t know where his things are hidden.**

Matt enjoys this false sense of freedom for an uncertain time. He doesn’t notice when Mello comes back. When he reacts, he’s already been pushed inside with a hand covered in a leather glove, making him trip with his own feet (almost falling). Mello presses him against a wall.

**“Didn’t I tell you to stay in the flat, Mail?”**

“I’m sorry Mel, it’s so hot inside-”

“Don’t make this a routine, Matt. I don’t want to remind you again **you must stay inside”** Matt nods, coming back to the chair where he was before, watching through the window.


	12. Level 12 - Breaking personal belongings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past-me wrote a very contradicting and submissive Matt. Present-me doesn’t like the idea. So I changed the whole sense of the chapter once again. Just at the very end.

“Mel-” a short whisper, almost unintelligible (barely perceptible to to the ear, unless for the one in front of him), getting lost in the empty room. Mihael remains static after hearing the sound (three single letters that won’t have any meaning to anyone except for him). It is simply something too somber to watch (anyone could said the blond guy is a hired murdered that had found someone in his way).

“Mello...Why-?” the voice is there again, trembling (the whispers are released between spasms caused for the sobbing). Mello doesn’t answer. He looks at Matt, scared, broken... Hurt, and he keeps quiet. He doesn’t know what to do at this point (yes, he knows it, _it was his fault_ , but he doesn’t know how to mend it) so he just nods.

 _“Mihael_ \- answer me” Matt looks almost scared “please...” he whispers again “Say something, anything-” Mello nods, showing him he’s listening, but he can’t tear his eyes apart from the broken pieces. Mello doesn’t show any other emotion and Matt has got enough “Fuck Mello! What do you have in your fucking mind?! What is your shitty excuse this time?!” Matt yells at Mello (shaking his shoulders to get a reaction).

“Matt- I... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t- I promise to buy you a new Xbox” he says, ignoring Matt previous yells. After all, **was Mello who broke the Xbox kicking it because Matt wasn’t paying him enough attention (“fuck you dog, I am more important than your online friends!”).**

Matt’s face is red because of the anger. Mello won’t say anything else (he just knows, it’s like asking for a wall to answer him). He lights a cigarette and walks to the balcony to smoke. He looks at Mello one more time.

“Asshole” Mello blinks, before smirking.

“Won’t you accept my offer?”

“Fuck you, Mel” Matt gives another drag before distracting himself with the city lights.


	13. Level 13 - Tamper

Matt is sitting on the leather couch, smoking (like always, even when he is trying to quit and he knows he can’t). It should be around six in the morning (or so he believes). The sun hasn’t come out yet and he’s in boxers, sitting almost lifeless in the living room, staring blanking at the kitchen (where Mello is brewing morning’s coffee).

He lazyly ignores the pain he feels in his lower part after what Mello put him through last night (again, Mello’s fault, as per usual).

Mello knows he was rough with Matt last night, but he doesn’t think he should apologise. _Matt’s his whore, anyway_. Matt wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or ashamed if his _master_ wanted to stroke his hair or his back. He wouldn’t have to complain if he wanted to touch his sensitive parts.

But Matt _isn’t well trained yet_ , so of course he would complain. Mello sighs (he still feels somewhat sorry for what he did to his puppy yesterday, without feeling guilty, of course).

Matt strokes his tights, trying to soothe his pain. **Mello tried to stroke his thighs when he was chatting with Near. He tried to stop Mello, so Mello scratched them** (it’s just logic for them to hurt). He fights to keep a sigh within him, but he doesn’t achieve it (even Mello hears him, when he brings the coffee).

He sits by Matt after leaving the steaming mugs over the table, handing Matt something for the pain (something which Matt refuses to swallow). Mello is just in boxers too, he carelessly presses his fingers against Matt’s thighs (again). **Matt stares at the hand** **before he blatantly ignores him** (what’s the use to comment anything? It won’t make any difference) **as Mello traces small circles over his crotch** , while he drinks coffee.

The red-haired keeps smoking as if Mello wasn’t there, **touching him**.


	14. Level 14 - Aggressive petting

_The concept of pleasure and pain could be relative_ , that’s what the red-haired thinks when he looks at himself in the mirror. His bare torso and neck are covered in bruises.

Yesterday was exhausting, because Matt is avoiding the word _overwhelming_ at any cost.

Mello had never been so rough with him (of course, Matt is ignoring every single threat Mello had told him, because at least they were void promises). But today... When he got out of the shower and stared at his reflection, he realises _something here is really wrong_ (he had sensed it for a while, anyway).

 **Mello is just so rough when he hugs him or kisses him (he even has his lip broken).** But Matt isn’t scared at all (even when he’s surprised) because he knew it was likely to happen at some point. Mello doesn’t hit him (not yet, at least), but **he has the evidence of his affection in his skin.**

The more recent bruise is the one that stings right now (it was made yesterday). It is really close to his jaw line (visible enough to get out, not that he does it frequently, without his vest covering his neck). **He can tell exactly where Mello pressed his thumb and index finger** (who would said that girly fingers were that strong?) **because Mihael** **_wanted_ ** **to kiss Mail.**

Matt was tapping on his laptop and to get his kiss, Mello grabbed his chin with his fingers and pushed Matt forcefully (when Mihael got his kiss, their lips collided so hard that Matt’s lip broke again). Mello left after getting what he wanted.

Matt keeps looking at himself, _promising to himself he will talk with Mell about it._


	15. Level 15 - Rough 'playing'

“It’s not fair, Mel... You said it wasn’t allowed to hit” Matt argues with Mello. Both are sweating and fumbling with a pillow in his hands (they were having a pillow fight for the TV remote control).

 **“I haven’t hit you Matty, it was part of the game”** Mello says, trying to touch Matt’s face while the other is frowning. “Come on pup, it’s just a remote control” Mello ‘soothes’ him with a cynical smile plastered on his face.

“Say that to yourself asshole, you started it” Matt is angry (now, **Mello hit him,** with or without intention is something he really doesn’t care). Matt rubs his left cheek (which starts to swell and turning a darker shade).

Mello rolls his eyes, without admitting the red-haired is right. He gets up and walks to the kitchen to bring ice (where, for some reason he already has cold compresses ready). He also brings chocolate (for him) and cigarettes (nothing relaxes Matt more than his beloved nicotine).

He handles Matt the cigarettes as he presses the compress against his cheek, which right now looks something in between blue and green (Mello himself doesn’t believe he has that much strength), earning a relieved sigh from Matt.

Matt turns on his cigarette while Mello helps him. He has been wondering **“You didn’t wanted to hit me, right Mel?”** Mello’s mental stability is doubtful for Matt.

Thequestion takes the blond for surprise, but he answers immediately.

“Of course not, puppy. Where do you get that from?” Matt shakes his head, dismissing it and Mello doesn’t say anything else. (Matt was hoping to hear an _I’m sorry_ that never arrives).

Neither of them remember about the remote control.


	16. Level 16 - Pinching/Scratching

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I changed some of Matt’s answers to show a more sarcastic personality, not a too submissive one.

"Did you hear what I told you, Matt?” Mello asks to the red-haired as he watches him looking at himself in the full-body mirror, only with a towel knotted on his waist (lately, Mello doesn’t respect Mail’s privacy, he even forbids him to change in a place where he isn’t, _Mihael’s paranoias_ , Matt thinks). **He follows thin red lines across his chest (that reach his hips), bite marks over his shoulders and necks, and bruises because of the pinching in his torso and arms.**

“Pup?” he calls him again. Matt is still quiet, looking at his body. His hair covers his eyes, so Mello can’t tell if he’s crying or with his eyes closed (or even if he’s staring at him through the mirror). Mello is getting impatient, standing up from the bed, and walks towards Matt. “Bitch, didn’t you hear me?” he whispers in his ear **digging his nails in his skin (he doesn’t care at all if Matt bleeds).**

“I told you already what you wanted, idiot” Matt growls with his head low and even more quiet than Mello’s whisper.

Mello growls too mumbling an _I didn’t see you moving your lips_ and Matt shrugs his shoulders “Get ready already and stop being vain. We have to leave to pick up something”

“Will you take me instead of one of your gorillas?” Mello frowns.

“They don’t obey as fast as you Matty. Now, get ready, I promise you’ll be allowed to smoke when we get back” Mello offers a smile, taking away his fingers from Matt’s skin. **Matt whimpers from pain, looking at the blood drops where Mello’s nails were.**

“Toss me my black shirt”

“You wear too much black lately pup, _everything ok?”_

“Yeah, everything _cool”_ Matt answers when the blood starts to stain his shirt (it’s unnoticeable with the black garment).


	17. Level 17 - Pushing/Dragging

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, a whole change of the sense. I don’t know why do I even bother anymore in translating it, I’ll better rewrite it from here.

A curious scene develops in front of Near.

Mello was called to the SPK installations to deal with some issues about Kira. Mello has gone, but not alone (has taken Matt with him).

At first, Nate thinks it’s a game between the two of them, but then, he realises it’s something else (when he asks to Matt to leave them alone, and he doesn’t even react when Mello drags him closer to them and says _he won’t bother us)_.

“I’m afraid we’ll need Matt for this, Mello” Near tells him with his usual seriousness. **Mello nods quickly, pushing Matt in front of the computer, almost making him fall.** Matt frowns when his DS sounds telling him he lost his game, but he doesn’t complain (Near wonders why) as he listens attentive to Mello’s instructions.

“We need you to hack this database, Matt” Mello almost pushes Matt’s face against the screen and the red-haired barely huffs before nodding and tapping quickly in the computer (without taking a sit), the codes pop in and out of the windows before a white screen with several files are open.

“Thanks” Near gives Matt a soft smile.

“You’re welcome” Matt tries to give a smile back that doesn’t reach his eyes. Then he looks at Mello, daring. Mello rolls his eyes. Matt grabs his DS again, without any other word _(Nate now know something is completely wrong here)._

They finish sometime around one in the morning. Matt and Mello leave the building quietly. Near makes a mental note to watch Mihael (he considers Matt somewhat of a friend and he didn’t like what he saw. He just doesn’t want something bad happening to the red-haired) as he stares at **Mello pushing Matt roughly inside his car** (which Mello is driving, _weird)_ as he whispers something in his ear.

“You’re really being a brat today, pup” Matt shrugs his shoulders.


	18. Level 18 - Slapping

“How many times did I asked, bitch?!” Mello’s eyes are darkened with the room's own darkness. Matt, standing in front of him, looks at the floor, almost bored.

“Two, I guess” Matt doesn’t raise his eyes (he doesn’t want to know how Mello looks like in a psychotic state, _thanks)._

“Tell me, _pup_ (he remarks that word cynical), why did I have to repeat myself?”

“I wasn’t listening-” Matt’s voice is barely above a whisper, but he still sounds kind of like a brat. Maybe his afraid (or not) of Mello hearing his answer.

“Because~” the blond leaves the phrase unfinished (dragging the words out of Matt’s mouth is funny).

“I was playing with the PSP?” Mello has got enough. **The slap echoes in the dark apartment** (Mail is sure the whole building listened), reverberating in the walls. Mello waits for Matt’s reaction. Matt gasps because of the pain (but he doesn’t want to give Mihael the satisfaction to show him it indeed hurts). Mello isn’t satisfied with that.

 **He slaps the red-haired a second time (and a third and a fourth), yelling him to fucking tell him to stop.** Matt laughs hollowly, while the tears slide down from his eyes. Mello stops.

Matt drops to his knees, still laughing, almost out of his mind. Mello looks at him, annoyed. But when he looks at Matt’s swollen cheek, he feels bad (there are some seconds before he even admits he feels bad), that’s why he gets closer and tries to make him stand up. Matt wiggles in Mello’s arms. Mello waits patiently until Matt finally gives up.

He takes him to the sofa, where he sits down, and he places Matt over his lap. He strokes his cheek, thinking about how **it looks the same shade of raid as his hair.**  He whispers a quiet “I’m sorry”, thinking that maybe it was a bit exaggerated to slap him because Matt didn’t hear him the first time. His game was loud either way, and he didn’t speak particularly loud. Maybe the next time, he should buy his own chocolate.

Matt sighs closing his eyes.

_I’ll talk with him tomorrow’s morning._


	19. Level 19 - Kicking

Mail’s whimper is the only one sound. Even though, Matt is calm (even with the pain in his ribs every time he breathes), on the floor in fetal position. He hasn’t scream (even when he wanted too) and the only thing coming from his mouth was the whimper.

_ Mihael is not here _ he says to himself, trying to cheer himself up to get up and reach the bed (or at least move away from the corridor). He doesn’t move as he feels the tears rolling down his cheeks (the salty taste is better than the metallic taste from his own blood).

_ Mihael won’t be here soon _ he tells himself again, this time pushing his own body from the floor, to stand up. He leans against the wall, focused on stead his breathing. He stumbles to fall over the bed (the pain takes away his consciousness almost immediately).

When he wakes up, he’s just in his boxers, with a compress over his ribs.

Mello is stepping in the room with a glass of water and a pill, mumbling something like  _ ‘Ah! You have already woke up’ _ . When he’s next to the bed, he handles them to Matt.

**“A broken rib”** Mello says when Mail (hardly) swallows the pill “it could had been worse, don’t you think pup?” his voice is soft. He’s relaxed, as if nothing had happened. Matt shrugs his shoulders  **“The next time I don’t want you to tell me anything about how I treat you, or I’ll promise I’ll kick you until your ribs pierce your lungs”** Matt know this threat isn’t hollow as the others (chills are running through his spine).

Matt shakes his head, thinking maybe  _ he shouldn’t have open his mouth. _


	20. Level 20 - Enclosing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original version, Matt agreed to anything Mello said. I don’t like it anymore. I changed it. Matt just has to fight, Matt just can’t submit willingly to Mello. I would do it if I were him. Also, this is the beginning of the part “You need help”

After Matt’s last ‘constructive’ comment, Mello has taken some precautions.

There are some rules the red-haired has to follow. Mihael remembers how he _fought_ (a proper fist fight) to keep his freedom. He was a brat, always pushing Mello's buttons, always answering back, always making nasty remarks, even if that meant Mello would hit him, would break his lips, would make him _submit_.

Today, when Matt tries to grab his PSP, he finds anything over the bedside table. He growls. _The blond took it away while he was sleeping_.

He shrugs his shoulder, ready to take a shower. He rummages in his closet to find only long sleeve shirts. _The asshole throw away everything else._  The water is cold as fuck, Mello must had turned off the heater.

He knots the towel around his waist to check the heater outside the flat, only **to find out the main door locked** with a note stuck on it **‘Mail: If for any chance I know you left the flat, I won’t be as nice as I were with your last ‘adventure’. I’m watching you’** (some days ago, Mail tried to escaped but Mello found him. The bruises hasn’t disappeared yet).

Matt kicks the door, angry. “Fucking asshole, let me get out of here!” it’s useless, Matt knows Mello isn’t around.

He finishes his cold shower, growling the entire time.

He takes a sit on the couch, facing the main door, waiting for the elder to come back.

The blond arrives after what seems like hours (they probably were). Mello throws him a pack of cigarettes.

“I brought this, Jeevas” this is when Matt gets that **he won’t be able to leave this shitty apartment anymore.**


	21. Level 21 - Isolating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the original chapter. I rewrote it entirely. I didn’t like how Matt was. If he’s being controlled and abused and ‘tortured’ by Mello, he at least must fight. No matter what.

Mello has always been jealous. This is _ridiculous_ , though. **They moved to another apartment, where no one knows where Matt is.** Mihael won’t admit it, but he even hates when Near talks to Matt, so **he took away his phone**.

“I’ll send someone for you if I need to contact you, Mail”

“Why don’t you fucking trust me anymore?! I won’t do anything!” Mello ignores him.

“Don’t try anything stupid, bitch. **Someone will be watching the flat”**

 **“When aren’t they, asshole?”** Mihael resists the urge to slap his cute face, he just puts the gun inside his pants, locking the door behind him. Mihael ignores Mail yelling him to _fucking open the door_. “Mihael, asshole! I’m not a property! Let me get out of here!”

 **“You’re not allowed to talk to him.** If something weird happens, just call me. You know how to find me” the man outside the apartment nods with a blank expression. **“Ignore him** , he’ll get tired soon. Be sure to deliver his food on the kitchen before he notices you, or you’ll regret it” the man nods again before Mello leaves.

“Help me get out of here, please!” Matt screams, _begs_ for help, for the help of anyone outside his prison. “Please, please! I don’t want to be here anymore! I promise he won’t find out you did it!” the man doesn’t move from his place even when he feels his eye twitching. _How scary must be to be isolated from the world?_

Matt eventually is exhausted and he falls to his knees, still mumbling for him to open the door and let him out.

The man takes pity on him “I’m sorry” he growls “Mr. Kheel didn’t leave the keys” Mello shoots the man outside. Matt doesn’t know when the elder arrived. That is when it hits him. _You won’t know about anyone anymore, I must be your one and only priority._

Well, then. _I’m fucked._


	22. Level 22 - Threats with weapons

Matt is quiet, leaning against the door, sweating, watching carefully Mello wandering around the bedroom (toying with his gun in one hand and holding his phone with the other). He’s breathing harshly, trying to find a way to escape, his mind checking options at lightspeed (Mello still looks like he wants to murder him, laughing psychotically from time to time).

Mihael is mumbling in the corner of the room, facing to the window. He’s mad _(at him? At the one on the phone?)_ and the only thing Matt can think is that he has to escape. Mello hangs up and turns around to face Matt, **aiming him with the gun (again).** Matt gasps silently, glaring at the gun.

“Well then, _Mail_ \- What did I tell you about talking to anyone?”

“You can’t really blame me. It wasn’t my fault” **Mello shoots once in Matt’s general direction.** Matt closes his eyes instinctively.

“I told you, no matter what, you shouldn’t speak to anyone” Matt stares at him blankly. Mello rolls his eyes, clicking the safety lock before as **he presses his hot magnum against Matt’s neck** who hisses in pain as the gun burns his skin.

“You’re overreacting-” Mello removes the safety lock, again.

“Overreacting, you say?” Matt closes his eyes, tightly “You fucking bitch- Why the fuck did you answer the phone?! You are only allowed to talk to me!” **he shoots again,** to the ceiling this time. Matt tries to choke back the tears.

“It was Near, I thought it wouldn’t matter-” he whispers “He just told me a number, I swear!” Matt’s shaking, his body is tense. _I should leave, I should escape. Now, that would be nice._

“Well” Mello puts the safety lock again, lowering the gun _(thank God!)_ “I believe you, pup. But still- Don’t forget you belong to me. **If you don’t behave, I’ll shoot you without hesitation”** Mello saves his gun in his pants, leaving Matt alone in the room.

He stares at the holes in the wall and the ceiling. He falls to the floor in shock, unable to stop his tears, utterly scared. “I know”


	23. Level 23 - Dead threats I

The early morning silence (3:14 as per Matt’s PSP) breaks with a drown scream (Mello know people doesn’t care about it, they’re in one of _that_ zones).

**“One more sound, Matt”** Mello threats **“I swear to God, I’m fucking telling you to shut up!”** he raises his voice as his eyes open wide (the liquid blue into his eyes turns into ice).

Matt is scared, but he manages to keep his head cold (he doesn’t want to give Mello the satisfaction of him crying). Mello’s eyes reminds him of icebergs, as he tries to keep his breathing steady, _praying_ for this to end soon, to have and easy night tonight.

Mello, completely out of himself, grabs his Magnum from the bedside table. Matt thinks how peaceful was being his night, sleeping carelessly in his sweatpants and hoodie (because the weather it’s getting really cold these days). **Mihael takes out the safety lock, aiming to Matt chest, ready to shoot.** Matt stares at the gun calmly, but doesn’t move.

_That’s it, he’s going to kill me._

“Please Mihael. It’s so early. You don’t want to deal with this this early in the morning, right?” Matt doesn’t know what else to say. His voice is hoarse, his lungs are burning for air because he can’t breathe properly. The blond must have weight the options better, because he puts on the safety lock again. Matt tries not to sigh in relief.

“You’re right pup. Not _right now._ Go back to sleep already” Mello falls asleep immediately, but not Matt. He wonders if he should sleep at all, he doesn’t want Mello to hear the slight whistle he emits when he’s breathing since he broke one of his right ribs.

_The entire reason for this episode._


	24. Level 24 - Dead threats II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A change in the reactions, just because Matt is bored of Mello.

_Dinner with your significant should be good,_ Matt thinks. _It’s healthy, should be fine._ One has someone to talk to about their day, someone who will listen their complains and someone who will make them feel better when the day wasn’t great. Well, that is implying your significant one is _mentally stable._

Dinner is no longer peaceful in the apartment. Matt usually grabs his semiautomatic and tugs it in his pants (where Mello won’t guess it’s hidden), in case he needs to shoot.

Mail has been thinking about escaping from that _shitty_ place at any given chance (unfortunately, Mihael seems to have already noticed that and he’s always watching Matt’s movements). Matt just doesn’t care who he has to kill in his way out (even if it’s Mello).

Mello is drinking hot cocoa at the other side of the table, while his eyes are lost looking at something through the window. Matt is spinning a glass with cheap whiskey (the soonest he gets drunk, the better. After all, that’s the only way he wouldn’t be forced to do something he doesn’t want to). He’s bored. He taps his fingers on the table as he watches Mello. Mello isn’t paying attention.

_It’s the perfect chance._

He takes his left hand to where the gun is, diverting his eyes for a mere second. He suddenly feels something soaking his pants (the whiskey now leaking through the holes in the old table). Mello gives him a bored grin with the gun still aiming at him. **Mello shooted him, but fortunately (or was that the purpose?) the target was the glass** **,** which shatters into pieces.

 **“I'd rather kill you first, Jeevas”** Matt returns him the same bored grin acknowledging that Mello now knows he has a gun with him, just to put it over the table too.

Mello looks at the window again and Matt leaves to smoke in the kitchen.


	25. Level 25 - Forcing a sexual relationship I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is entirely different to what it was the first time. It’s kind of funny I didn’t think this chapter like this the first time I wrote it. Matt just allows Mello to do as he please, he just wants to sleep.

Matt is completely lost in his own mind _(will he finish soon?_ _)_. He barely registers the pain in his lower back. It hurt for a while but not anymore. Not that his paying attention to **Mello thrusting into him roughly** _,_ really.

Mello is excited. _Had been,_  for the past hour. When Matt didn’t reacted the way he wanted to to his strokes, Mello didn’t have any other option that force him to submit to his wishes.

Matt doesn’t remember exactly what it took to convince him, the only thing he minds right now is _when_ he would be finally able to sleep.

 **It has been at least twenty minutes with his (monotone) rhythm.** Matt tries so hard not to yawn. He’s bored, he’s tired. _He’s falling asleep._ At this point, he is tempted to say _cover me when you finish_ and have some rest.

“Moan for me, Matty” the red-haired barely opens his eyes, having the decency to look a bit surprised. It’s _fucking_ two in the morning, all he wanted to do was sleep. He’s not even hard. _Well, since Mello asked so nicely~_ He emits a sound in between a whimper and a yawn, which seems to be enough for Mello, **who finishes inside him.**

_Fucking finally._

Matt waits for Mello to leave him in the bed to roll over his back and get back to his rest.

“Don’t you fucking dare to fall asleep like that. You’re staining the blanket sheets”

“Watch me~” Mello growls, but allows Matt to fall asleep once again.


	26. Level 26 - Forcing a sexual relationship II

Matt still doesn’t remember when he stopped calling the blond Mello or Mel, now he just calls him _Mihael_ (who would call his keeper something affectionate?). Matt makes sure to repeat himself every single time Mello does something to him.

It has been hours with Mello insisting to make him less horny, but Matt keeps ignoring him. At this point, he doesn’t care if Mello hits him or not because of that. _He can go and fuck himself._ Matt almost laugh at his own joke.

“I’m bored, Jeevas” _now the roles are reversing, funny._

“What do you want me to do, asshole? Don’t you have someone else to harass?”

 **“Take off your clothes, dog”** the red-haired looks at him unimpressed, almost bored.

“What if I don’t want, Mihael?” Mello rolls his eyes. Matt looks away from him, playing with his DS. Mello takes out his gun and aims at his head.

**“I’ll kill you, Mail”**

“See how much I care” Matt keeps playing, he doesn’t even spare Mello a glance.

Mello pushes Matt out the couch, making him fall to the floor. **“Don’t make me shoot your fucking DS, Matt. I’m giving you an order!”**

Matt thinks in how much of a problem it would be to clean the place after that. He pauses his game, before taking out his pants and underwear. He turns around and offers Mello whatever he wants to take from him. Again, _he’s not even hard._

“Be sure to finish quickly, _Mihael._ I want to finish my game”


	27. Level 27 - Sexual abuse

Matt shivers when he feels the **blood dripping in between his legs** but he can’t do anything to stop it. **Mello tied him to the bed so he wouldn’t be able to close his legs.** **He whines, begging him to stop,** he doesn’t even have the strength to yell at him. He doesn’t have the strength to resist him (he is feverish, for God’s sake).

Matt wants to die already.

He can barely breathe, he’s dizzy, confused (he’s so sedated because of the medicines Mello gave him for his cold), his heart it’s pounding in his head **every time the blond thrusts in him**. The migraine possibly made him pass out at least one time, he’s almost sure of that.

On top of that, Mello hasn’t even properly taken off his clothes, the only source of light in the room is the laptop (which is still hurting Matt’s eyes) and it’s fucking raining outside. The humidity in the air makes it hard for Matt to breathe, his chest hurts, his fucking ribs hurts.

Matt doesn’t recognise himself whining (or is it sobbing?), but Mello can see his tears sliding down his cheeks. Mello doesn’t care. He’s happy with it, he’s enjoying himself.

Matt passes out again. **Mello cums inside him.**

Matt surely doesn’t notice when Mello comes back with a wet cloth to clean him.

“You did well, _pup”_


	28. Level 28 - Rape

**Matt is unconscious. Mello is over him.** Matt has a very pale skin covered in scars. Mello has a tanned skin with just one visible scar covering half of his face. Matt can’t speak and Mello says everything for both of them.

If Mail thought something was wrong with Mihael before, the only thing he knows now is that Mello is completely  _ out of his mind. _ How is he going to know what the fuck Mello spilled in his whiskey that he was sedated in mere minutes? And that just before the blond knocked his head (to make him definitely lose what remained in him of consciousness).

Matt wouldn’t allow Mello to touch him anymore (the last time Mello touched him wasn’t pleasant at all). At this point in his life, he knows he won’t be really able to stop him because he’s not physically strong anymore.

**That’s why, Mihael had to drugged Matt to have his pleasure (ending in an** **_almost dead_ ** **Matt and an** **_almost necrophilic_ ** **Mello).**

When the red-haired wakes up, his body is really sore.

He doesn’t know what happened, but he can guess it’s because of Mello. He doesn’t feel good at all. He’s tired, dizzy, he’s all covered in bruises.  _ He’s so weak right now. _

He tries to reach for his gun in the bedside table to find it isn’t there anymore.  _ Mello must had taken it away. _ In its place, there is a pack of cigarettes. Matt sighs before he grabs one.

He tries so hard to forget about his pain, about how his body is bleeding, about how the room smells like disinfectant.

Then he thinks Mello did something really wise.

If he had found his gun,  _ he would have already killed himself. _


	29. Level 29 - Mutilate

Matt is sure he was the one screaming as if he was dying. It is like having an extracorporeal experience. He knows he's begging Mello to stop, he knows his neighbor next door knocks on the wall, asking if everything is alright, he knows he is dripping blood all over the floor. He feels like floating anyway.

Matt is fighting with all his strength to escape from Mello's hands. He's crying, _the pain is just too much._

“Come on, Mail, don't be a girl. Stop fucking crying before I take out those pretty eyes of yours”

“It hurts like hell” he mumbles, not sure anymore of how loud he's speaking. His body working quickly to generate morphine to numb his pain. _His left hand, his fucking left hand._

“Oh, it hurts now? And here I am, thinking you liked it” Matt is slowly drifting away, but he tries to fight the unconsciousness.

“Liking me, you say? I like it more if you have already fucking killed me... Why don't you do it?”

“Where would be the _fun_ in it, then?” **Mello keeps digging his knife trying to take the bullet from Mail's left hand (Mello’s fault since the beginning).** “What do you feel, _Matty?”_ **he presses the knife** (sterilised with cheap whiskey) **deeper into Matt's wrist.**

“Nothing. Not a fucking single thing” of course. **Mello killed some nerves inside his hand** (he's not a doctor after all). Mello places the bullet on the table.

“You won't need it” Matt knows the blond talks about his hand. Matt shrugs his shoulders. _I know. I won't need it because you'll kill me. I won't need it to drag you to hell with me._

Mello tosses Matt some bandages to stop the bleeding. He has important things to do.

Mihael won't lose his time taking care of a stupid dog.


	30. Level 30 - Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

Matt is _almost_ running. He’s trying to find desperately a place to hide whilst (at the same time) he tries to find a gun, _any sort of weapon really._ He’s hurt, his torso is bleeding (Mello shooted correctly this time) and his knee is swollen, probably broken (the first strike was on his knee with the Magnum’s catch).

**He gasps brokenly when he feels the cold gun against his neck.**

_Fucking Jesus, this is it. What have I done to deserve this?_

Mello laughs hollowly “Your mine, Mail. I’m your owner, your master. And you’re my puppy. Say it to me!”

“I’m yours”

_I trusted you, I loved you. Why?_

Matt closes his eyes, hoping whatever happens doesn’t hurt _much more._ Every single sound is now muted, the only thing the red-haired hears is his own heart beat and his breathing.

**Mello shoots.**

“That’s it, you’re just mine” **Matt’s body falls in slow motion. When his head reaches the floor, he isn’t alive anymore.** Matt’s only relief was that all happened so fast he barely noticed **Mello killed him**. Mello himself doesn’t really seem to notice what he had done.

The blond stares at the silent room, almost waiting for Matt to wake up and tell him _it didn’t hurt._

He doesn’t remember calling Near. Mihael just blinks and Nate is already there, looking at him disappointed (Near blames himself for not caring about Matt).

Mello’s hands are covered in blood, _Matt’s blood._ Matt is lying over his lap, as if he were asleep. Nate can’t understand what Mihael is mumbling. He catches an endless rambling of _žal mi je,_ over and over again. _He already lost it, that’s it._ He takes two minutes to figure out what he should do. In this state, Mello could kill him or himself if this is not handled correctly.

“Mihael” Mello doesn’t react “Let him go” Mello stares at him, frowning, as if he couldn’t understand him. _“Poskrbel bom za njega”_ this time he nods and he handles Matt to Near carefully.

 _“Poskusi, da ga ne zbudiš,_ _ž_ _e dolgo je”_ Near doesn’t move form his spot when the police officers come to arrest Mello. A Mello who looks completely lost and out of place, almost empty.

 _“K_ _malu obišči me”_ Nate makes sure Mihael doesn’t see his tears at his last words to Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slovenian:  
>  **žal mi je -** I'm sorry  
>  **poskrbel bom za njega -** I'll take care of him  
>  **poskusi, da ga ne zbudiš, že dolgo je -** Don't wake him up, it's been a long time  
>  **kmalu obišči me -** Come see me soon


	31. Epilogue

  

> _Stop telling yourself you can fix him._  
>  _He’s been this way for a long, long time and he doesn’t intend to change._  
>  _Don’t be a sacrificial lamb on the altar of his rage._  
>  _Don’t play the martyr to his rage._  
>  _You can never save someone by letting destroy you._  
>  _That’s not love, it’s relational suicide._  
>  _Save yourself instead._  
>  _Get out while there’s still time._  
>  **_John Mark Green_**

 

Matt witnesses his own funeral. _Ha, I knew he was the one who was going to kill me._ It isn’t a surprise his life has finished this way, what surprises him is that it had taken Mello this long to actually murder him.

He has contradictory feelings. He thinks he could have done more. He could have stopped him at the early stages, he could have left when he still was allowed to move as he pleased, when he was _free._ He could had asked for help. Deep inside him, he knew Nate would have helped him.

But at the same time he’s just glad everything _ended._

Matt doesn’t hate Mello, but he can’t forgive him.

He watched Mihael going into shock right after he shot him. If he could, he would have laughed.

_Asshole._

Matt is in peace now.

He’s just a bit sad because he still has so much to give, so much to live, so much to enjoy.  The only thing he regrets is not spending his last days enjoying what could have been a perfect day. Lost somewhere in London, in the back of his red Camaro, playing videogames with a cigarette in his hand. Matt was a simple guy, with simple tastes after all.

Mello wasn’t. The karma did right in putting him in a mental hospital.

_You fucked up, Mihael. You know that and you said you were sorry. But you being sorry won’t change what you did... And it definitely won’t change how I feel about you now. Everyone has limits that once you cross, you can’t cross back over. I hope you're happy now, Mihael. Now you’ve gotta stay on the other side, away from me._

Matt sees the light when he lets go all his anger against his once lover.

For what he cares, Mihael can kill himself and go to hell (literally).

He doesn't want to see him ever again.

_It serves you right, after what you did to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very angry with myself for what I did with the last fifteen chapters of this fic.  
> I had to rewrote them, you _saw_ it!  
>  I have an explanation: At that time I was in a very abusive relationship, and I wish I was more like my present self because that way I could had actually fought it.  
> Please, don't let someone tell you that you aren't worth enough. I know it's hard when you're so deep into situations like these, but try seeking help and don't accept the fact like it was your faith. **It's not your fault.**
> 
> If you like it, let me know it~  
> Thanks everyone for reading ♥


End file.
